Psalm of Montreal

Stowed away in a Montreal lumber-room
The Discobolus standeth and turneth his face to the wall,
Dusty, cobweb-covered, maimed and set at naught,
Beauty crieth in an attic, and no man regardeth.
  O God, O Montreal!

Beautiful by night and day, beautiful in summer and winter,
Whole or maimed, always and alike beautiful,
He preacheth gospel of grace to the skins of owls,
And to one who seasoneth the skins of Canadian owls!
  O God, O Montreal!

When I saw him I was wroth, and I said: “O Discobolus,
Beautiful Discobolus, a prince both among gods and men,
What dost thou here, how camest thou here, Discobolus,
Preaching gospel in vain to the skins of owls?”
  O God, O Montreal!

I turned to the man of skins, and said to him: “O thou man of skins,
Wherefore hast thou done this, to shame the beauty of the Discobolus?”
But the Lord had hardened the heart of the man of skins,
And he answered: “My brother-in-law is haberdasher to Mr. Spurgeon.”
  O God, O Montreal!

“The Discobolus is put here because he is vulgar,
He hath neither vest nor pants with which to cover his limbs;
I, sir, am a person of most respectable connections,
My brother-in-law is haberdasher to Mr. Spurgeon.”
  O God, O Montreal!

Then I said: “O brother-in-law to Mr. Spurgeon’s haberdasher,
Who seasonest also the skins of Canadian owls,
Thou callest trousers ‘pants,’ whereas I call them ‘trousers,’
Therefore thou art in hell-fire, and may the Lord pity thee!”
  O God, O Montreal!

“Preferest thou the gospel of Montreal to the gospel of Hellas,
Gospel of thy connection with Mr. Spurgeon’s haberdasher to the gospel of the Discobolus?”
Yet none the less blasphemed he beauty, saying: “The Discobolus hath no gospel,
But my brother-in-law is haberdasher to Mr. Spurgeon.”
  O God, O Montreal!

Samuel Butler, 1878